I'm not the best at critiquing but I will do my best for you. I love the different images this piece creates, and I'm especially fond of the last half. It gives me a vision of something vampiric, and you know as well as I that I've a particular fondness for that subject matter.

As for the first two sections of verses, I'm not quite clear on how the metalworking ties in with the darker ending. Both make sense, but to my amateur mind they don't flow together very well unless the reader knows YOU personally the way I do. I would try to make the connection a little clearer if possible.